An anonymous interview with Rachel about her son’s severe depression and multiple suicide attempts. Rachel described the precipitous descent into depression that seemed to swallow her previously sunny, confident, artistic boy. She names the terrible and confusing sense of ambiguous loss, for her son who has now been in a state mental hospital for over a year and a half. She speaks of her daily visits to him, always feeling a little under suspicion from the staff, as a possible cause of his illness, but also the difficulty of never knowing whether there will be a glimmer of his former self, or whether he will feel somehow absent. She reports that she is never free from self-doubt and shame about whether she might have done something differently, if there might have been a different outcome for her son. She also describes her son’s suicide attempts as a source of trauma, that has been re-awakened with each successive attempt. She offers two resources that have made a real difference, attending NAMI meetings (National Alliance on Mental Illness), and reading Pauline Boss’s Ambiguous Loss.