Psychiatrist Aaron Lazare talks about the impact of shame and humiliation, and how to repair the damage they cause. He also discusses how shame can complicate the relationship between doctors and patients, and what can be done to reduce it.
Shame
Hidden Emotions
This episode concludes Safe Space Radio’s series on loneliness, guilt, humiliation, and jealousy with a story that combines all four. We also revisit an earlier interview with Dr. Aaron Lazare about shame and humiliation and how these self-conscious emotions intersect with the feelings we hide.
Childhood Humiliation
Sudden Humiliation
Humiliation: that moment when you feel like dirt in someone else’s eyes, which is often so hard to bear that we bury it without ever really putting it to rest. This week Safe Space Radio features two stories from people who felt suddenly exposed and humiliated, and we’ll talk about where things went from there.
Working with Jealousy
This episode of Safe Space Radio features two stories from people who have experienced jealousy in their professional lives—from the kind of jealousy that makes you feel inferior, to the kind that makes you want to disappear. We explore where it comes from and how to change our relationship to it.
Guilt When You Hurt Someone
This episode of Safe Space Radio features two stories about common types of guilt, often an emotion that nobody wants to admit to. One story is from childhood, the other from adulthood, and in both the teller hurt someone close to them, and has struggled to repair the damage to that person and to themselves.
Guilt When a Parent Dies
Part of Safe Space Radio’s series on hidden feelings, this episode features two stories about guilt we might feel when we believe we didn’t do enough at the end of a parent’s life. We hear from people who were troubled by the way they failed to show up for their parents, and discuss the process …read more »
The Bite of Conscience with Herant Katchadourian
In this episode, Safe Space Radio interviews Stanford professor of psychiatry and human biology Herant Katchadourian, author of the book Guilt: The Bite of Conscience, about the urge to confess our guilt, how it can be used as a weapon, and how we can know whether we feel too much of it or too little. …read more »
Obsessive Confession and OCD with Rob
In this episode of Safe Space Radio, psychotherapist Rob talks about his own anxiety, which makes him feel an insatiable need to confess things to those around him, and which can also lead to debilitating panic attacks. He talks about the various therapies he’s tried, including two which have greatly reduced his anxiety in the …read more »
Keeping Incarceration a Secret with Sonia
This episode features a conversation with psychotherapist Sonia about her experience of arrest and imprisonment for possession of firearms and explosives as an anti-Vietnam War activist. In order to get professional licensure, Sonia waited years to get her record sealed, requiring her to keep her past a secret. She talks about what it has been …read more »
Parenting Life-Threatening Depression with Rachel
This episode of Safe Space Radio features Rachel talking about her son’s severe depression and multiple suicide attempts. Rachel names the sense of ambiguous loss she feels now that her son lives in a state mental hospital, and how her daily visits to him can bring their own sense of shame and self-doubt. She offers …read more »
Having a Child with Schizophrenia with Cheryl Ramsay
Safe Space Radio interviews Cheryl Ramsay about her two sons, one with schizophrenia who is in treatment and one with an undiagnosed mental illness and addiction who avoids the mental health system. Cheryl describes the deep self-doubt she feels about whether she somehow could have made a difference at each step of the way. She …read more »
On Having a Mother with Bi-Polar Disorder with Valerie Gamache
Safe Space Radio interviews family educator Valerie Gamache about her relationship with her mother who had bi-polar disorder. Valerie describes the ways her family tried to keep the “Big Secret,” to the point that a friend thought her mother had actually died since Valerie spoke so little about her. She also talks about her encounters …read more »
Giving Up a Child For Adoption with Marilyn Bronzi
This episode features clinical social worker and birth mother Marilyn Bronzi, who had a child “out of wedlock” in 1966. She remembers the shame of her choice and how she’s made peace with it in different ways over the years. She also describes the experience of reunification with her daughter Lisa, and the ways that …read more »
Group Therapy for Trauma Survivors with Judy Herman
Judy Harmon is a psychiatrist and Harvard Medical School professor. She talks about how group therapy for trauma can reduce shame and support survivors to take action that reduces helplessness. Dr. Herman describes the deep shame and isolation that accompany trauma, and how group therapy creates a community where members can give and receive empathy.
The Inner Feelings of Bulimia with Julia Jarvis
Julia Jarvis talks about her struggle with bulimia and her recovery. Julia describes her profound experience with feeling she was bad, and keeping a journal of her daily sins. She credits her recovery with the loosening of a rigid and punitive theology, prozac, and the community she found in Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Privacy and Shame with Janna Smith
Janna Smith is an author and social worker. In this episode of Safe Space Radio, she discusses the relationship between privacy and shame. She describes her own struggle over how much to reveal about her father Bernard Malamud, and how to respect both his and her privacy while also confronting her shame about being compared …read more »
Shame and Resilience with Brene Brown
Brene Brown is the author of Daring Greatly and chair of the graduate college of social work at the University of Houston. In this episode of Safe Space Radio, Brene talks about shame resilience, and how we can learn to embrace our vulnerability. Brene describes the consequences of denying our vulnerability including clinging to false certainties …read more »
Shame & Humiliation with Aaron Lazare
An interview with psychiatrist Aaron Lazare about his work with humiliation and apology. Aaron says that you know you’ve been humiliated when you find yourself rehearsing better and better comebacks that you wish you had said at the time. He states the importance of not acting then when filled with righteous, and often vengeful rage. …read more »
Suicide Among Returning Vets with Pete MacMullan
Pete McMullan is the Suicide Prevention Coordinator for Veterans Affairs in Maine. Pete describes the painful readjustment recently returned vets face in trying to relate to their peers and the warning signs of suicide risk for families. He tries to help young vets lift the self-judgment and isolation they struggle with.
Suicide Among Gay Youth with Charles Robbins
Charles Robbins is CEO of the Trevor Project, an organization dedicated to preventing suicide among gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer youth. Charles describes the vulnerable time in a young person’s life after they realize they are queer, but before they have found accepting others to share it with. Charles describes his own story of …read more »
The Suicide of a Child with Patricia Ellen
Patricia Ellen’s son killed himself when he was fourteen. Patricia describes the process of trying to understand what led up to it, and the signs that were and were not there. She describes the bullying incident at school that she believes led her son to suicide. Patricia movingly describes the many years long process of …read more »
People of Size with Rebecca Weinstein
Rebecca Weinstein is founder of PeopleofSize.com. In this interview she discusses the experience of being a large person in today’s culture. Rebecca states that 90% of her problems come from dealing with other people’s perceptions. She talks specifically about difficulties with the medical profession and receiving shaming and discriminatory comments.
Mothering as Hero’s Journey with Nicole Chaison
Nicole Chaison is author of The Passion of the Hausfrau about the experience of motherhood as a form of the mythic hero’s journey. She speaks about the courage it took to write honestly about her experiences as a mother and her struggles with both shame and loyalty in deciding to go public with her stories.
